The Neem Tale

The following short story happened during our visit to the Garden of Groves @ Lucaya in Grand Bahamas Island.

We were a group of 25 from our cruise touring this island one early rainy morning with almost sleep studded on most of our eyes.We were the only 2 indians in the group.When we reached a botanical garden,a zestful afro american lady named jessica introduced herself as our tour guide.She was taking us around every grass,shrub & tree out there explaining their medicinal & horticultural importance like some botanical scientist.My husband was like 'not my kind of tour' from the beginning popping out his eyes for few of her serious descriptions on those insignificant grasses.Finally when we reached the one & only protected neem tree at almost end of our tour,she was in all praises for it and i believe during the course of our tour with her sharp acumen she realised that i am definitely from India.May be i had a strong indian stamp on my face.So when she pointed out the tree,she boldly declared to the group that i will be the one out there who should be well aware of all facts and truth about this tree.Everyone took a second look at me.And she began educating the group that in india - people brush their teeth with neem bark and their tooth stays strong until 85,they don't get any skin diseases since they boil these leaves and drink the filtered water every single day of their lives,they make soups with the bitter neem pulpy fruit,they dry them,powder them and consume it everyday to purify their blood blah blah blah and a confirmation from me for every statement that she made.Choice less was I.Had to loudly acknowledge every statement made by her.My husband was quaking with laughter peels standing right behind her.Suddenly there were too many clicks of that solitary neem tree than any others,i felt.The funniest part is she led these people to the rare garden shop saying a variety of neem products are available here and she requested them to feel free to buy those.

To our funniest surprise almost everyone in the group barring few very old souls who believed they might not really benefit out these neem products at the age of lying in the coffin, bought neem creams,neem tablets,neem sunscreens and neem powders along with books which exclusively talked about neem trees,all costing exorbitant prices.

Back home in india there are these neem trees standing tall,in groups,in solitude all over the cities,villages with leaves falling,drying and blooming where no one cares much to cut and discard a neem tree.Oh what a pity. Time to gift the americans some neem saplings,i thought to myself.

My husband said,'I expected them to click your pix since u 2 are a rare one.How come honey none did that' adding fuel to the fire.Later when i crossed a 60 + white lady with my ice coffee topped with ample cream to rejuvenate myself from that tiring garden tour,she was very curious to know what was that i was sipping.I took a moment to tell her ' thatz an Ice coffee'.Since i was in the lime light that hour my husband added saying 'No she z hiding - thatZ ice coffee topped with some neem oil'.Everyone in the group burst out laughing :)

Tiny Tykes

I wept that day miserably exhausting myself.It was my day 1 @ kindergarden.There was this huge & heavy feeling in my tiny self.As if people around have done injustice by walking me to an unfamiliar place called school.May be my tiny instincts knew they were snapping me from holidaying in life for many years to follow.I just didn't spoil my own day but mom's,dad's my kg tutor's & that poor school aayya's.Puddle of tears,red eyes,running nose & that wet handki are still fresh in my memory chip.It probably took a month or more to get acquainted to all those new unplesant faces around.That was me 24 years back.A month ago,my neighbour's 3 year old neice came upstairs to visit my mom to fetch her blessings the day before she was starting her KG classes.To that tiny tot my mom shot a Q.

Mom How did you know that you should do this?

Kiddo I have seen people doing it before starting something new.

Mom Oh aren't you scared to go to school?You cannot eat and play all the time there.Miss will be very strict and watching you all the time.Are you ok with it ?

Kiddo Am bored seeing my mom & dad all the time now.I am waiting to see some new faces & a place to go everyday.

A week later, just to check if all went well with the kid,mom dropped by.

Mom Hi honey,have you started going to school?.How are u liking it.I mean ur school,ur miss & your friends ?

Kiddo I like everything abt this school except one thing with an inverted smiley gesture facing the floor.

Mom Whtz that child.Can i know ?

Kiddo My new friend.He weeps all the time and it spoils my mood as well u know.

I have spent time with this kid during many of my trips.She must be just 3 now.She likes to do only things of her choice like selectively watching cartoon network,eating chicken kababs every night,wearing only soft fabric clothes.She is just cool about letting you know if you look good to her eyes.Once she came to me and said in a loving gesture'You look very pretty.I like you very much.Will you come to my house and stay with me?'.What a sweet offer & a priceless compliment from a kid of that age.Did i really know how to compliment someone at that very age ?.I did like all the pleasant looking faces at that age.But the element of complimenting others wasn't existing in my tiny self.Did i really bother or knew to tell my mom that some frilled frocks were actually pricking me inside though they made me look bright n bubbly.What ever was dressed on me was me.Whatever was given to eat was eaten by me.I never knew when to watch TV and when not to.Ofcourse am not trying to compare my dull head with some smart whizkid.

This kid really prompted me to observe kids of the same age.The next kid in the list was my collegue's.She leaves the kid in the day care centre inside my work campus.This kid loves to sing and one fine morning a beautiful sight struck me.My friend was holding her kidz hand and looking around wondering what to do.This kid was holding a bright coloured flower along it's long stem,half squatted,smiling brightly and happily singing to that flower.On revealing that beautiful sight that i witnessed tht morning to her,she told me that her son is interested in singing and that he frames his own lyrics sometimes and fits them in to an existing tune.How intelligent ? She also revealed to me that there are kids @ the day care who speak different languages to different people & responds in the correct language to people around.If only the mapping for all this is done in the brain correctly,i believe this is possible.Kids at day care are all less than 3.

Direct from the womb they all evolve really smart,knowing what they want and what they don't want,happy and bold unlike a kid like me of my generation :(

Runaway tips for dummies

Deep irony behind the following writeup might be the fact that itz by a perfect dummy who never got chance to run even a little away from home for any good reason in life.But that doesn't disqualify me to publish my valuable tips to other dummies who wish to graduate on how to runaway from their homes without messing it all up.

My disclaimer would be that though this might not serve you dummies out there as one detailed comprehensive runaway guide,i promise you will get some rich insights,tips & stimulants to think out of the box by the time you reach end of this tip guide.To put it in a nutshell, this will be a quick jump start guide to inspire if you have already kick started the thought process of running away from home ditching your parents.

Before we begin with the tips & tricks,if you would like to know why on earth am I taking pains to draft content on such a risky & adventurous topic,lemme take the pleasure of revealing a true fact to you prestigious readers at this point in time.After being a successful co-mastermind behind a high risky and a high adventurous runaway plan which succeeded beyond it's probability to succeed,I believed penning down my rich insights on such a subject could prove beneficial to few other potential couples.

As any other author i also would like to begin by dedicating my quick guide to 2 dummies.My heart felt thanks to them who blindly trusted me and my instincts to the best of their knowledge on such a valuable aspect in their lives.All tips,tricks,post wedding plans listed below are actually drawn from my meticulous planning experience in uniting this couple.

Tip#1-Foot Gear A good pair of gripping shoes with lace tied tightly is a must even to run those few steps effectively from your house to board any hired cab or bike or bus whatever be your chosen mode to escape home.Your otherwise regular high heel has the capability of landing you directly on a hospital bed & your strapped sandals could strand u by toppling both you and ur plans, all in a minute.So make sure you actually have a good pair of foot gear in working conditions during those auspiciously daring runway minutes.Mmm .. I can hear you appreciating me on this well thought tip #1.Thanks anyways : )

Tip#2-Transportation All you need to get united with your sweet heart is not even a pair of strong legs to run but a hired cab in good running conditions.This is my first recommended mode of transport if you have a long distance to cover.The shortest route from the runaway point to ur first planned destination must be well known.If not you, atleast the driver must be with good clarity of thought and route.A good bike will also do the trick.If itz a local runaway,then your bike must be serviced priorly,tyres filled with air & tank filled with sufficient petrol.Above all either you or ur partner must be in the perfect state of mind to drive well once you hit the main road.Since for most it is expected to be the first runaway experience,itz recommended that you don't drive.If people at home are absolutely not skeptical and highly hopeless in tracing your master plan,then boarding a local metro transport leisurely could be the cheapest and the best for you.

Tip#3-Rest&Sleep The person who has the necessity to take ample rest and sleep prior to this adventurous exercise should be your driver since he/she needs to drive you back the entire stretch during your journey towards your first planned destination.In addition you could also rest and sleep so that you don't screw the meticulous master plan from your side.And the same can be followed by your partner as well so that things go smooth as planned in a clear state of mind.A good rest& sleep will provide you this.

Tip#4-Communication Carry your mobile,just to communicate with your partner in case of any last minute confusion in the plan.But remember to remove the SIM card immediately after you leave home.I believe you know why?.Your current location can be traced with the nearest tower from which mobile device picks up the signal.Leaving a trace would be the most foolish thing in this situation.And more so you don't want to receive any calls from kith & kin on that number at least for those immediate few hours.what do u say ?

Tip#5-Runaway Note After performing the most daring act in ur life,you wouldn't want to keep your parents guessing foolishly that u had just vanished to some friend's house or to some shopping mall near by.I know to let them know your daring act,isn't that easy in spite of your success behind ditching them.If you are highly confused as what to write in the runaway note to your parents,stop worrying i say.An SMS to your dad/mom after few minutes of quitting the house will do.It need not be so elaborate,remember it is an Short Messaging Service anyway.

Tip#6-Things to carry Just before your clandestine runway plan if you are skeptical on what to carry & what not to,here are few handy tried and tested pointers.A good max fresh toothpaste and an old toothbrush should be on top of your list amidst other things.Next comes ur passport,certificates,debit card.If you can organise all these in a neat file or a folder well in advance,it is a good practise.Ur facewash,deo and a pair of dress with some clean & soft under wears along with a comb is the most recommended.The contents listed above are tried and tested.If you are asking me abt the under wear ... lemme explain.The very next day you will be grieving to the peak for all the family values you practised all these years.Your new underwear has the power to alleviate your grief to the extent it can help.If you had already let your imagination fire by now,gosh am not responsible in anyway.If you want to be extra careful sufficient eatables with the choice of your soft drink can be included in the list.Soft drinks are mainly to wash down all the multiplied sorrows.

Tip#7-Emotional Intelligence Have you heard of it before?If u haven't itz just fine .. because this is what you got to ideally practise once you have done the most daring act in ur life and still can't believe it for urself that you have just done it.Just be practical and go with the flow in life.Don't let a whirl pool spin inside ur brain soaking all the past incidents or ur past life ,even for a minute.I know itz the most difficult thing to practise but believe me itz the need of hour.Even if your IQ had been an all time low,you can fare well in EQ under such exceptional circumstances.Believe me it works sometime.

Tip#8-Star Connections After all,the whole runaway ,meticulous planning & implementation should be rewarding for the rest of your life.For this,it's better to pass on your birth details & horoscope if any through any of your trustable friends and make sure that your astral combinations with ur partner are in perfect sync with each other just to avoid the possibility of some strong skewed lines at some corner of your birth chart screwing up the whole thing.I believe you are slowly gripping the fact that i was a pretty good co-master mind.

Tip#9-Place to Stay Make arrangements for a clandestine stay at least for the next day or next few days/weeks.Choose a clandestine destination,u know, a place where your will be in-laws just can't take even a wild guess.And to take ample rest after all the emotional trauma that you both had undergone.U deserve it,i tell you.

Tip#10-Family Bonding Just the day or the night previous to runaway,make sure you bond well with the entire family.Meet all ur local friends,relatives,elders in the family,take their silent blessings by dropping a safety pin near their foot etc with silent prayers for ur forthcoming plan to succeed.After all without elderly blessings,whatz the big deal to start a brand new life.Isn't it ?

Tip#11-RTI If you are wondering what this Real Time Implementer is,let me reveal.After all the grand master plan & logistics in place, the person who z got to quit home with all the essential things packed skipping the glance of every possibly existing member in the family on time in a perfect state of mind is equivalent to a rocket launch from earth to the targeted celestial destination.In fact the work of masterminds comes to light only if the RTI doesn't lets you down at the right minute.Even by any chance if you get caught, the consequences are unimaginably huge.So in this case you have the responsibility to get this right at the very first time.Isn't it ?.So as an RTI u got to mentally visualize this runaway act everyday at least for a week,do a forward,rewind,pause and frame the sequences correctly in the brain for a strong positive outlook on the mission.

Tip #12-License Procurement Finally a single ceremony that will make ur runaway act meaningful is this license procurement.I mean getting ur tie-up registered by signing in appropriate fields in designated forms in the presence of a sub registrar @ his office as per supreme court.Catch hold of a lawyer who can help you with this.I came to know that there are full time lawyers whose survival depends only on runaway couples dying to procure license asap in a clandestine way. And needless to say you need to collect two of ur buddies who will sign for the purpose of proof.Again make sure they are ur true friends.You can't be careless by inviting friends who have had some serious crush on ur partner at some point in time.Just in case ur foe in the name of a friend is accompanying you,your chance of signing in the correct fields might be slim.So take care : -).Feel free to bribe these full time couple uniting lawyers.After all, thatz their only source of income.Thatz it.You are almost done in making the whole runaway project a huge success.What more ?.Make sure you live the rest of your life without having to run, even to catch a bus.Thanks for allowing me to help & inspire you just in case if you have read this crap till the end.

Spratt

spratt..spratt..spratt.After a few more times of spratting up & down, all the split end locks were down there heading straight in to the dust bin. What remained was just another chopped coriander bunch but in black. Liking falling leaves, this seem to be the season of falling hairs. Quiz anyone whom you know & they have no hesitation in pouring out their cup of woes on it. The price for built up stress gets paid in terms of falling hairs, I thought.

One of my ex manager wore a wig, only as a full stop to all this I believe.Though it looked just like natural hair, am sure he must have coughed up a heavy sum on it.Since he commutes in my shuttle everyday, I find him most of the times stroking his artificial hair may be just to make sure it’s still in place amidst the speedy winds against which the bus plys.On days when he falls asleep in the shuttle, like a dry smudged paint brush, I find some hair streaks pointing horizontal from his head.Not many who travel in our shuttle are aware of this,though they might have had deep elements of doubt at times.Oh! then it needs some cautious attention all the time.Mm… sporting a wig wasn't that easy,I learnt.

A boy cut was also there in my options list.Though some day I would love to experiment on it at least once,it didn't seem to fit the bill for the time being.The option of a fully shaven head was the simplest of all but considering mommy as my high priority,I had to give up on that option too. So instead of sporting something that looked similar to a rat’s tail (though it wasn't exactly like that in my case) which sufficiently lacked volume, the best way to hide it seemed to go for short coriander bunch like, you know.

Believe it or not, I had plaited locks brushing much below my hips until my school days. In fact those days I was a big time cry babe watching my hair creeping down causing me nothing but trouble. Because it meant more time devoted to comb,plait ,wash & dry when there were too many other essential things to accomplish early in the morning. And needless to say, more oil & more shampoo for it’s nourishment. Still for mommy’s sake I let it creep. There hadn't been a single day without the crib & cry while brushing my long locks. A day came, when mom angrily agreed to chop it off till my shoulder length after a provoked arguement. And my dream of sporting a short cute hair came true.

After my haircut, all that people did to me was a taken aback look followed by hollowed eye expressions, which I hated to the core. So I made sure when I became a college kid, I sport a short hair from day 1,probably with just a handful of plaits reaching just below my shoulders. So during every semester break, I promptly take a scissors myself and chop off my black creeper preventing it creep down further. And those times I used to hear from my friends that they shelled a pretty money to get their hair cut done.'Lady, you go walk in to a haircut salon donating both your hair and a huge sum?', I would check. But never did I knew in those days, that a day would come, when I will head straight in to a hair salon to give my hair the blissful experience of having it caressed by some hair experts. Until I met one, I honestly did not have any high regard for this designation on earth.'What a ridiculous idea to have coined such titles - Hair experts.Are people so jobless to master the art of handling & experimenting on hair leaving all other things on earth'.That was my initial reaction to the term 'hair expert'.

Years after I started working,on some repeated suggestions from few interesting friends around that a layer cut would give me that renewed smart & sporty look, I went ahead and fixed an appointment with some expert in a nearby International branded hair salon. Being not so sure of all the clear do’s & don’ts before a haircut from a hi-fi salon like the one I was heading to, I neatly shampooed my hair the same morning & dried it one last time, knowing that all would have gone by evening. I headed straight in to the salon, observing all the showcased hair styling products. When I stepped in,I realised that both the existing hair experts were men. When I waited for my turn, one expert curiously quizzed me to finalize my chosen style of layer cut. When I was almost ready for the spratt session, he revealed to me that they cut hair only after washing it themselves. 'How strange ?' I felt. He then guided me towards a dim lit wash area. Comforted me on a sliding chair. Wrapped my shoulders with a warm towel. Took my hair by his side. And began to fondle it. That was the first time a guy was shampooing my hair.Let me tell you,next to mom, he was the one privileged to do so.When he gently stroked the scalp for the first time, my stomach churned a little, with the realisation of a strange guy washing my hair.He used three different shampoos from three colourful bottles.Soon aroma filled my nostrils inducing some pleasant feelings.Slowly I realised, that should have been the best hair wash my scalp must have ever witnessed.Not even a single strand got uprooted.I never saw him pull, squeeze or twist my hair any time during the wash.Every thing he did was too gentle on the hair.My hair must have thanked him that day for all the agony it underwent in my hands. Such a wonderful hair wash experience except for a mild pain on my neck for having rested it on an elevated surface during the wash.

Post hair wash session, he wrapped my damp hair in yet another soft towel.Reminiscing such a pleasant hair wash under a dim light from some angelic hands which failed to pull out even a single strand,I moved towards the dressing table.When I faced my image crowned in a huge white turban,the wide mirror facilitated me in watching his toolkit right behind.By then, his companion helped him sterilize all the accessories one by one. Meanwhile based on some input from my hair wash expert, he came near me to peel away my white turban and feel the texture of my hair.His avid love for my bunch of dead cells were undeniably visible. He was so passionate in feeling my hair.In fact he never looked at my face, which I felt was much pretty than what he was fiddling with.

Finally all was set to begin my haircut.Looked like expert #2 wished to cut my hair.They had exchanged some words when the combs were sterilized.He began with a simple spratt at the end.Then parted my hair in to at least 6-7 sections to give his best part by part.His keen concentration never spilled away from my hair.He was looking through every cut of his.And each spratt was so professional that I could feel the difference from the spratts in other local salons.It was full of spratts from side to side,up to down and sometimes here and there.In one way I was patiently battling against boredom while the expert was at work.All this time expert #1 was watching him & his strokes.Both were equally qualified to my eyes & equally passionate of their profession.I took my words back on hair experts in one of those silent minute.

There is definitely some meaning in calling themselves as hair experts.It means so much in a way since I cannot claim to have combed my hair without at least 1 strand in my hand.Soon expert #1 took over from the other to style it after my much awaited layer cut.That took another 20 minutes.At the end of which I couldn't believe if am I the one with such beautiful hair with some cute curls at the end.I never knew they could be styled that way.Each strand stood replenished with a bright shiny look.All I simply had to do at the end was to tie them back which looked awesome even without tying.

At the end out of some self admiration from the relfecting mirror, cheerfully I swiped my card for half a grand plus taxes for my most memorable hair cut.He inferred the output of his work from my expressions.I looked so different after my haircut.They definitely made a difference to people who walked in to their salon. Apart from singing their praises,I even recommend people to experiment their hair in the hands of some expert at least once in their life time. Believe me it’s worth it & more so you will love it. When I visited home after a week from then with my short cute cut, needless to say like any typical middle class Indian mom, my mommy also had the shock of her life.Infact her smile froze on seeing my coriander bunch cross her eyes. To add fuel to the fire she was very curious to know how much I shelled out for the left over fistful bunch. As a responsible daughter I just told her a plain white lie just to calm her nerves, u know ?

The Forbidden Kitchen

For a soup starting, you might want to know two things during the due course of this write-up.One – who Kylie Kwong originally is.Well though I take the liberty of presuming you know who she is, just in case you don’t, can you set a reminder on ‘travel & living’ in your television to watch the Kylie Kwong show very next time it's featured. Two – This write-up is not on her but about my In-house Kylie Kwong.For having read In-house,it's very natural for you to have assumed that it's about either of the damsel's at my home but as a disappointing revelation, it’s my dad. Mm ...this write-up is serving me as a frying pan to sprout all that's stacked in, on my in-house Kylie Kwong.

It all started years back, like a kind gentleman who gave his sweet wife a helping hand at the kitchen during few needy hours. Be it making a simple omelet for the kids or scooping out idllis in to a hot pack. Slowly he took over the kitchen during weekends, sometimes trying his hand all three times a day. Ignorantly we began to be the victims of his stints at the kitchen table. When he was a tyro, his so called creative dishes like oil less bonda & nutty gritty upma (full of awful combinations of non bendable nuts than heaps of sooji itself) were tested on us ruthlessly.Honestly we weren't realizing what we were slipping in to.'What a wonderfully understanding man to whom you are married'have heard many say this to the deserving lady, not knowing what we all really underwent. In the hustle-and-bustle of those busy growing up years, it was great having something ready to eat, at the very mention of hunger pangs at work. He pride fully played the role of an instant chef to all three of us deriving dishes out of no where. Again years rolled by when one day I realized it's this very man behind my inability to even make a decent cup of tea. During my little leisure hours at home, whenever I look forward to try something at the kitchen, I already find him chopping and stirring something in his culinary lab. I simply joined the cookery class in my junior college when I had an optional elective, the only way that was left to kick start my culinary skill.Due to lack of opportunities and a lab space to experiment and learn during those zestful years, I cannot honestly claim myself as a good cook even today. No one might know my real story behind the forbidden kitchen. After graduation I left home, spent years as paying guest at another home & my story of denied cooking opportunities continued further.During this time, back at home there came a point when mom was advised not to strain by standing even for those continuous minutes that was required in the kitchen. Which is when the Kylie Kwong at home was literally born, I presume. So the entire kitchen came under his complete kingdom. Initially we mistakenly pitied him for having to undergo this. He received accolades from every kith n kin for juggling this extra ball in his life when he could have found easy alternatives. But slowly we all were getting the signs.

Apart from being a man of near perfectionist,his interest in following current affairs,comprehending precise reason behind every rise and fall in stock market and being a wealth of information to anyone, anytime on anything and everything, his ardent passion for Chinese kooking and the urge to possess a fully equipped gadget kitchen, surfaced evidently. The best chef's cookery shows in the television were handpicked & been watched without fail. During his preliminary stages in the kitchen it was Mallika Badrinath.A graduation happened when he was fantasizing Sanjeev Kapoor. Then suddenly in the recent years he advanced with his new found guru Kylie Kwong. You can just find joy bubbling on his face at the very mention of her name.There is no question of missing her kookery shows come what may. He makes careful observations on every cookery tip that spills out of her mouth. May be Kwong is dad's twin or master soul, it set me thinking. The remote tightly clutched signaled that nothing else could even be thought of watched at those hours. While dad virtually lives in the world of 'Kylie Kwong & her kooking' during her shows, moms eyes stay focused only on him and his expressions.Gradually off Kylie Kwong shows we saw her in him. Minutes after KK's kooking ends on TV, he energizes himself to be the KK in kitchen. He pounds garlic with the same zest, chops veggies in the same style and sprinkles spices just like her.Gradually he kick started kooking his own Kwong kind of food, half cooked, half watery, half Indian, half Chinese, half edible & the rest absolutely inedible. These days whether what he cooks is Chinese or Indian, his Chinese herbs & spices are ubiquitous. And those awful soups that he learnt from Kwong.Oh my Chinese god … I feel a puking sensation churning in my stomach at the very mention of it.

The kitchen too underwent a gradual revamp as per KK’s weekly suggestions and tips. There was this same kind of mini glass jars cloning itself in an alarming rate on the kitchen shelves. Then these puzzling Chinese herbs one after the other found their entry in those jars. Some puzzling & others awfully aromatic. From where and when he fetches them, we really don't know. Then the oil cans underwent a super rich look with pods of garlic and red chillies soaked in them. Then the spoons, some interestingly shaped vessels & most importantly, the knives. Now we have at least 10 different varieties of knives at home. One for the huge kinds like watermelon n pumpkin, the handy flat ones for meat and fish, thin one for onions & tomatoes, cross one for dicing vegetables,sleek one for slicing them and another one for chopping them finely. For years many we lived without a peeler. We now have one from US, one from Far East & one from local Chinese market. Scissors to cut & curl the corianders and curry leaves. A sharp one, a blunt one, a semi sharp and a semi blunt as if catering to the needs of a wedding kitchen. You know, anyone from abroad visiting home have no confusion on what to pick for dad. It will be some latest kitchen gadget or an accessory. The gift unwrapping moment will definitely be his moment of ecstasy. He still gets international additions in the kitchen this way.He decided that our kitchen too, had the essential of essentials as per Kwong by exactly replicating what he saw in her Kitchen. Following that the kitchen obtained a face lift with newly bought microwave, instant juice blender, silent coffee blender, feather touch hand mixer, egg poacher, egg beater, variety of ladles in new shapes n sizes, colorful frying pans, zodiac coffee mugs, trendy glass bowls, airtight containers, vodka martini glasses(though we are all purely nonvodka folks), variety of strainers, handy lemon squeezer, elegant measuring jars, the handy mortar & it’s complementary pestle, auto ignition stove and this list goes endless.Then the must have stocks in the kitchen – again as per Kwong, I presume, like the colorful Chinese sauces, mashed potato powder, multiple flavors of brown & green teas, handy herbs,nourishing nuts and plenty of super secret spices half of which I bet has nothing to do in an otherwise bland cooking south Indian home like mine.

ooff....nobody at home is spared of his kooking. Come weekends still he continues with his signature dishes. Needless to say, these days its tailor made Chinese for some pitiable Indians at home. For many weekends now, it's been the same huge thick soupy vegetable stocks in which soaked, all left over veggies in fridge, stirred in to the biggest bowl at home, for some of which mom who would have had plans in the coming week. Keeping which crowd he prepares in such huge quantity week after week, god only knows. When it’s aromatically Indian, the taste definitely will have his Chinese touch. And during weekends when it’s aromatically Chinese, we can’t blindly bet on an Indian taste. We are left with no choice but to aid finishing it by the end of every weekend. Otherwise, the signature dish will be secretly refrigerated in its upper deck and will show up the following weekend for the kind of rich ingredients and flavors that had gone in.Mom lost her say longtime back when it comes to her now forbidden kitchen. And so did I. Only during those rare occurrences when he isn’t home during weekends, mom makes some authentic south Indian delicacy for me. Hands down she deserves a place in heaven just for this. When her man returns home on such days, his tempting hands try tarnishing such authentic food with his KK recommended spices to leave them inauthentic, in his new found style. Interesting to dad but insulting to mom sometimes my neighbors aware of his regular weekend signature dishes, would plan to take a portion of it to get rid of their weekend cooking plans. And the post week, they would peep in to applaud him for his effort. Mom would feel like dashing herself against one of that kitchen accessory. Since every atom in the kitchen is his favorite, he is so possessive about even a box or a cup lent to the neighbor. Here comes mom’s embarrassing moments when she has to track these missing items just for him.

Looks like i have revealed too many things about mommy's man.On her humble request, am letting the curtain down here but not without mentioning our Mango phobic memories. When I was in sixth grade, once he had a compulsive urge to make a bottle of mango pickle himself even without a tip from anyone around. His sis, a pickle expert in the family too was ignored from consulting. On a bright sunny Saturday morning, he decided to drop us all in schools and was on his mission - buying mangoes aptly for his pickle proceedings. To his delight since the mangoes were aptly ripe for pickling, he landed home with a tub full of mangoes. They were washed,sliced and pickled finally. To his disaster surprise he realized that he added salt to his generosity.Nothing could be done since the pickles were in huge portions bottled and found all over the kitchen. Mom instructed us to consume curd rice - salt + dad's disaster pickle for the whole summer vacation. At the end of vacation only ten percent of the pickle got over. We were the perfect victims of that disaster pickle until the next summer vacation. During this time, mausi visited us to stay for a fortnight. This pickle story came to her notice and she recommended adding some more mangoes, in a way by adding salt to our existing injurious mangoes. We lived with this disastrous pickle for another year. During the third summer vacation, when the pickle tasted decent enough as a pickle, mom clicked on this idea of gifting everybody who visited home, a bottle of his disaster pickle. You know we lived with this pickle for almost three full years. If you ask me, until now these ‘not so easy to forget’ pickle episode had been his best worst experiment on us.

Just in case you feel all this might be a fictitious exaggeration,you definitely got to be home for a weekend to risk your taste buds at least once. These days while dining outside with friends,I can’t get much wilder at the very mention of some one suggesting a Chinese hangout.Oops this isn't getting better ... let me sign-off but with a small suggestive note for you. After all this if you plan to drop by for a lunch or dinner at my place, specially on a weekend,u have a bravery award waiting from this house of kk, though not from kk himself.

Playing Pranks

Rohit is my bessssss friend @ work place. The company hired us in the same quarter when we freshly stepped out of college.We worked in the same team closely, for long, amidst other seniors, on an assignment from a leading news agency in the world. Innocence had a bright stamp on his face, I felt initially. We hardly knew each other then.Days rolled by, when we stumbled upon the topic of crushes one day, while sipping coffee in a near by café. He chose to reveal on his crushes – explaining to me right from his puppy crush to his peppy crush that he had. I was taken aback when he revealed his outstanding crush count. If he meets them all one by one in a month’s time, still he would meet each 12 times in a year. Even I’ve had crushes – one in high school, another one in junior college & another one during my graduation. All vaporized like camphor cubes now.
Me: But your count seem to be alarming, buddy.
Rohit: I know daa… I got to wind up soon.
Months passed by. Now we are in different teams, working with different people. Yesterday, we happen to leave office at the same time. On the way home, what started as a mild drizzle, progressed as little heavy showers.To break the silence amidst cold winds, I started …
Me: Howz life buddy?
Rohit: Sighingly - Am happy that work is keeping me on my toes but then u c this CC of mine doesn’t want to settle for any less figures I guess.
There was a pause. Being his best buddy I thought I should give him my piece of mind on that.
Me: Buddy this isn’t the time for all this. You are not in your teens to dwell on this anymore.U got to realize that u will soon hold responsibilities beyond your age and will be expected to challenge the limits soon. Are you really behind it. Think again….
Rohit: I know daa …I know. I decided firmly this time. I know what to do now.
Me: Whatz that buddy. Can I also know ?
Rohit: As u said, not to dwell too much on this anymore but to begin another one soon.
My eyes spotted a big Manhole kept opened on the road side.

FYPI - Thankyou god, now people know all about Rohit and his mind blowing CrushCount.With this I can now sleep peacefully.

With Love - Surya

The bell rang like a cacophony in my ears, simulating a last bell people ring for the most honored in funerals. ‘Oh god! itz microwave hour now’, I wailed a little louder.All of us knew it was time for Shiv to eat our brains, spitting his half micro waved ideas on the subject in his grilled english. ‘Did u finish the assignment that he gave us yesterday? ’, I asked Saran. She looked absolutely not bothered for anything in life. And gave me a ‘No’ sign with her slightly curved lips but stayed fiddling with the Reynolds pen, trying to fit it in the slit on our wooded bench.

I was little agitated with my ineffective time management in life, unable to strike a balance between my college assignments & the short term IIT course that we girls enrolled us in.All of us belonged to 3rd ECE department.We were ten out of fifteen girls who zestfully enrolled us in the course but found hard to manage things since the IIT Campus was 45 km from our college.Commuting that far and to reach back home everyday was truely tiresome & Poornima added fuel to the fire by not giving us enough attention in the course hours.Can’t blame her blindly like that. She was a single and there were boys from Anna University in our batch just a couple of years younger to her, distracting her with their ‘out of the box’ questions.Otherwise her destiny was destined to be with all white haired, 65 + IIT professors. It was uncivilized on our part to have expected it from her ,in the little time available for her to #@*&^$!.And to add salt to our injury she believed herself to be the queen of DSP lab, where she worked as a lab assistant, which was our destination too inside the IIT campus.I felt she deserved one tight slap from me before our course ended for all the mental agony that she caused us.

Shiv walked hands free in to the lecture hall. Looked like he was lost else where thought wise unlike the other days when one can find him fasting outside the door from ten minutes prior to his session,with handful of lecture notes, chalk pieces and microwave bibliographies. He entered , marked attendance, clicked his pen on to his shirt pocket and declared us free.Unexpectedly he was not in the mood to transmit his microwaves on us that day. Neither did he talk about the assignments. Strange yet surprising, it was.Never had it happened in two years of his lecture profession in our college. Not even a single minute had gone waste by either speaking a torelable English or leaving us feel serious about him and his lecture classes.'Thanks Shiv. I wanted this break',I told myself.Being a back bencher,sat quietly in my place for once staring the black and white print of my microwave text, focusing the picture of microwave producing instrument drawn as modern art. A crinkled paper ball fell on my shoulders from the left side. Unwrapped it & there was a message

'Can we bunk IIT class today &
attend the wedding reception?
What say ? '
- Anu

Oh, I realized it was Sharmi Mam’s wedding reception the same evening.She bothered to invite us all amidst little time left to get prepared for her own wedding in India. Her’s was a little interesting story.She was desperate to do her MS in the U.S. She had a not-too-bad GRE score. She was two years elder to us, just like Shiv. She worked in our college as a lecturer for less than a year teaching us insignificant subjects until she got her student visa. She went to the U.S one fine day, following her dreams just to come back in less than 3 months carrying her wedding cards printed, to invite us for the occasion of beginning her new life with a stranger in her new strange land.She was dynamic & full of life. She was just like one among us, more like a friend than a lecturer, unlike Shiv. She was rich but down to earth,made her dream come true in front of our eyes.Very social and out going. Though she never impressed the girls greatly, all the boys in our college had a corner reserved for her in their hearts. The curiosity of seeing, whom she chose to live with popped in all our minds. But then I was too tired and really wanted a break from Shiv’s assignments and poorni’s lectures.I scribbled back to Anu

' Will bunk IIT class today.
But not joining for the wedding dear'.

And threw the paper ball back at her and found her excited discussing with others on what was everybody going to wear for the wedding reception that evening. Soon every body got to see my scribbling and pulled me to the chat zone to convince me.But I was desperate in having my break for the day. My folks felt I was tough on my decision and wanted me to join them badly. After few long unconvinced thoughts, I finally gave up and agreed to join them.Ambal’s face was gleaming with joy when I said ‘yes’ and Preethi felt succeeded in making me agree to them finally.We looked at our watches. We still had 45 minutes to go. As ever, we had our hot topics to discuss and Shiv watched us from the other corner of the lecture hall. May be trying to tune his ears to our exciting topics.Since girls struggled hard to make me agree, I became the target of bullying session for the day. In those 3 years time, almost everybody in the college knew Surya was my heart throb .Vani started slowly ‘So what is your Joe chéchi telling you ehh?’(Joe was Jyothika’s pet name that we gave her and media was telling us that they were seeing each other for some time then).So to simply make me fume, Preethi added ‘U know Devi , they have signed a couple of movies together now’. Bhavani added ‘Unga alluku vera velayae illiya ?’ (does ur man have no other job or what).I know I had explained to them for the nth ime about what I felt for him’. It is very true that I like him , but it was just his on screen chemistry that am in love with. Joe is his private life. I had never felt jealous of her.

In fact once I had felt none can match well with my man other than Joe in his real life.But my Eceian folks hardly believe me. They all pitch in at once, when I finish my statements on my man( in their slang). ’Don’t lie babe. We know u must be fuming to the core watching them together on the screen. But honey, itz reality. Don’t let that affect you much. Itz all part of life ’ as if I poured out to them,expecting such crazy condolence . Crazy these girls were, once they decide to bully someone. Finally our microwave hour ended. Shiv walked out clouded in some intro<->retro<->spection.

It was a customary practice that we gathered at my house, preened & primmed ourselves before stepping out to attend any common wedding reception. It had happened many times in those 3 years of our college life.Nothing unusual , girls unpacked all their make up kits, lip sticks, glosses, mascaras, eye liners, lip liners, rulers, eye shadows, base foundations and what not, turning the bedroom in to a mini Health & Glow outlet.In fact I get to see most of the latest cosmetic inventions in the market only during times likes these. And all of us fight to get the mirror focus and end up spoiling our natural beauty.Sahaya forcible applies modern art bindhis with the eye liner brush on most of our foreheads just to spoil the ‘not so bad’ looking girls.On this occasion, mom reached home with a bunch of bright yellow roses to place them in the newly bought porcelain vase. But she ended up planting one on each of our hair locks.Unable to deny my mom’s so loving gesture girls had nothing to say but to leave for the wedding reception with yellow roses planted on their top floors. It was 6.30 pm & was getting little dark outside.So mom suggested that we all leave early and in turn reach home early. So we all stepped out together to catch a rick with the huge bouquet that we bought for Sharmi mam.

Once on the road,I realized that vani had almost painted her face pink with her base make up solution looking really awful and little scary to my eyes for a moment when she smiled. I turned around to Preethi and she looked like another cute looking devil in the holly wood movies with her heavy beaded pearls lined up on the neck with her hair left open just not liking the idea of having a rose planted like us.Ambal chose to wear suki’s salwar since she came unprepared for the immediate party plans. Looked like we could clone Ambal twice and accommodate all in the same attire. Sahaya portrayed like an exhibition model displaying all her huge antique jewellery pieces from home. Anu was looking good but her lip stick was so dark and thick that looked as if some one plastered her mouth with a red glossy band.And it was difficult for a moment to decide in which gender should I be classifying Suki now, looking at the way she had preened herself. I realized that I must have looked equally funny in some way but was more conscious with my dark pink straw berry flavored lipstick and the yellow rose planted on my head.

The moment we stepped in to the wedding hall, our eyes by default focused on Sharmi Mam’s groom. Mmm … not very impressive at the first look. But then we had nothing to hype about it since he wasn’t handsome to any of our eyes. We found our college dudes in a corner having a huge round table conference at the wedding hall. The moment we walked past that side, there were huge laughter peels quacking the floor. I could make out y it was so loud. May be our comical appearances. I folded my lips tightly inside and licked the densely applied strawberry flavor. Also felt like plucking the planted rose. But mom's so loving gesture stopped me.Soon we settled in our own corner to calculate the Net Asset Value in gold of every 40 + aunty who passed us.Suddenly I found Vani staring near the entrance. Then Preethi and then Anu, Ambal, Bavani. I too turned around but nothing caught my eyes. Vani pressed my shoulder in excitement and said ‘Heyyyyy….. ur Man’. ’My man ?’.I knew they were kidding here too. So I chose not to turn. But then Preethi stressed the same thing. ‘Dev , ur Man’. I thought they all have decided to fool me for the cross face I had that morning.But then when Bavani stressed the same thing, I had to believe it and look for my man in the crowd. For the next five minutes I couldn’t spot him in the huge crowded hall. But then after some time I did.

Yes it was my man for sure. He was quite simple in a faded blue jean & a white T-Shirt appeared dipped in robbin blue and forgotten for days to rinse.‘Devi ur Surya is here with us today to make ur evening. Can u believe it ? ‘ Suki bashed. I was really over whelmed with joy that everning. Felt like talking to him. But then I knew it was really impossible,may be even to near him in this huge crowd. He never had that filmy air around him. In some time he followed us to the dining hall for the dinner. He happened to be seated in the next row. But definitely from an angle where I could focus him :-). My friends really felt happy for me. I was little thrilled ,when I realized that slowly the crowd was dwindling in the hall and he was still around. Preethi gave me a pilot pen and a blank business card when she left. Looked like she had it ready with her, just for me.I found him being a part of a 15 member circle formed near the wedding hall entrance. He was not part of any conversation that was happening in that big circle. He stood tying his hands tight around his abdomen and appeared choice less listening to that conversation. With little excitement, I approached the big circle tangentially,targeting the point where Surya stood. I stopped at a length of 50 centimeters from him. Sensing my presence, it was almost spontaneous during that late evening hour when he put his mobile in his shirt pocket and picked the pen & card from my hand to spread his choice of ink pattern on it. It was during those 10 silent seconds that I observed him from such a close proximity which I never expected would happen in my life.

When he was busy making his ink pattern, I realized that he was at least two inches shorter than me. Heart sank a little for reasons unknown. I asked my self in silence, ‘Does it mean that Joe chéchi is also shorter than me? ‘.He handed over the card and pen back to me looking in to my eyes. I felt elated. I thanked him. Like an automated reply he said ‘Ur welcome’. I turned away from him examining the ink pattern that he chose to spread for me. It read

With Love
- Surya

These were the words that took him 10 seconds to return me the card. He filled the card that I gave him by writing these three words big and bold. I liked the way he had stylishly stroked ‘S’ in his name. But I felt there was no trace of my virtual Surya in the man who filled my card seconds back. I found myself caught in the world of virtual reality for some time.I came home asking myself 101 useless questions. When I rang the bell, Mom opened the door and at once enquired ‘So how was the wedding. Did u girls enjoy it ? ‘. I said ‘yes’, showing her the card signed by Surya.She curiously looked at it and raised her brows in surprise. ’Siva Kumar payan thane ? ‘ ( Shiva Kumar’s son, right ?) she asked me. ‘Hmm’ came the reply from me. Dad also took a look at it when mom was holding it.He asked me if he was related to the bride or the groom in any way. But none of us had any clue about it. All were excited seeing him there.Thatz it.

It was 10.30 pm. Soon I changed quickly and finally got a chance to pluck the yellow rose from my top floor and lied on my bed in dark & silence – rewinding the whole day’s events in sequence, assimilating slowly the fact that I met my man that evening, pondering deeply over the virtual reality manifestation that I encountered. At around 11 pm, the phone beeped and I hurried to pick up the receiver. It was Rijo.’Hi da ,met ur man finally today. Very glad to know. So what did he tell you ?’.’Nothing’ I replied.‘ Whoz that ma? ‘ investigated mom. ‘Surya ma’. oops !! I hit myself on the forehead little harder re replying ‘Rijo ma’. Her investigation stopped at once she heard my re-reply.‘Haan Rijo bolo‘ I continued on the receiver. ’What da still in ur man’s thoughts ahh ‘ he made fun of me.Next day in the college bus, on the campus corridors, in the staff room, library, canteen, laboratory, anywhere and everywhere folks spotted me, they enquired curiously about how I felt when I met my man .I just smiled away at most of them. Even Loganathan sir was curious to know how I felt. When I entered the lecture hall, my gangsters were waiting to see the love note that my man gave me.I disclosed the note to Preethi first carefully pulling it out from a palm sized Milo – Book of Facts in which I decided to preserve it for my life time. She passed it on after a short examination to vani.But Anu was having it for a long time after everybody had a look at it in the class. When I went to collect it from her in the evening, she handed it over with a big sighing look at the card,muttering ‘Hmm...don't know when am I going to be lucky like u to meet my maddy, one day ‘.